In October 2018 I noticed that I needed to wee more often than I usually do, my bladder had less capacity.  I thought that this must just be me getting old, but I’d keep an eye on this situation in case any other symptoms developed.

A month later whilst lying on my back I felt a large lump in the middle of my lower abdomen.  You know when you feel something odd, that you know is wrong, yet you still think has it always been there but I just haven’t noticed?  I made an appointment with my GP the following day, and so began the rollercoaster.

My GP immediately put me on an urgent referral for an ultrasound of my bladder, uterus, ovaries and kidneys, and sent me off for blood and urine tests.   The ultrasound showed that I had two cysts, one grapefruit sized, and one slightly smaller.  I was then referred to the hospital gynaecology department.

Whilst waiting for my appointment to come through I had time to think.  Being post-menopausal I was classed at higher risk of cancer with ovarian cysts.  However, this did not mean I would have cancer.  I was well aware of the symptoms of ovarian cancer. Needing to wee more frequently – yes.

Tired – yes, but I was working long hours, I don’t sleep well, and there were various ongoing stressful life events, and so I didn’t think my tiredness was odd.  Bloated – yes, but because of my long hours etc I was not exercising as much as I would have and so I thought it was just down to that.  I was looking at each of my symptoms in isolation, and not as part of a group.

I was told how lucky I was that we had found this early.  I struggled to get my head round the “early”.  Surely it would be early if my lump was the size of a pea, and not a grapefruit.  But, the cysts, as with pregnancy, don’t show initially, it’s only when they get to a certain size and need more space that they become evident.

My consultant sent me for a CT scan with contrast in order to get a clearer picture of what was going on.  At my follow up appointment there were two other people in the consulting room – oncology nurses.  My consultant explained that the cysts were too large to be removed by keyhole surgery, and that my ovaries and fallopian tubes would need to be removed as well.  Whilst I have no particular emotional attachment to those organs, my brain froze at that point.  Surely you meant just the cysts would be removed. No. One of the cysts was a complex cyst and there was some suspicious matter which would need to be investigated.  This, however did not mean it would be cancer.  It was stressed that the CT scan could not show if the cells were malignant or not, only surgery and further testing could show that.  I was sent for a chest CT scan to see whether there was anything else going on that we were unaware of, which could then therefore be dealt with at the time of my surgery.

My chest CT came back clear.  Nothing suspicious.  I was so relieved.  This meant that I had a good chance of a benign result.

There is a lot of information available about the symptoms of ovarian cancer, there are a lot of personal stories.  There are charities set up to improve knowledge and generate funding for research and treatment.  Yet still, somehow, it can be difficult to get the sort of information you are looking for.  Equally, what one person wants to know, might not apply to another person.

Some people have really good support systems, close friends and family.  Some people don’t have any of this.  For both, cancer can be a very lonely journey.  I hope if you read this, that somehow, it will be a little less lonely for you.

This is my journey, nothing more, nothing less.  I am an expert in nothing.  If it helps someone in any way, that is a good thing.  If it has no effect, then all I can hope for is that it will be cathartic for me.  Names have been changed, or abbreviated to an initial, to protect the privacy of those who also play a part in my story.